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My mom has explained on numerous occasions that she’s going to buy a Jaguar when she wins the lottery. The only problem is she doesn’t play the lottery. I don’t think she’s ever purchased a Lotto ticket. Still, it’s nice to have a plan… Some friends recently came over with their one year old (call her Mary) and asked us how we got our kids to sit still to eat at meals. My short answer was, “I never gave them any other choice.” Understandably, they were dissatisfied, but to be frank, I’ve learned the hard way to hold back the long answer because it always comes across as rude and no one really wants to hear it. People rarely ask for your advice unless what they’re doing isn’t working. In this circumstance, Mary was running around our house while the rest of us sat for dinner. Her parents were taking turns enticing her back to table with food and chasing after her. When they did manage to capture her, she’d squirm out moments later and begin the process again. My long answer would’ve begun with, “I never allowed my kids to do what Mary is doing right now”—something I’d never say to a friend in the heat of “battle.” I honestly think that kids and dogs have more in common that we’d like to believe. If you want them to do something, then you never allow any other behavior. In my house, kids sit down to eat and my dog Dublin stays off the furniture. The difference is Dublin was a heck of a lot easier to train and few people ever need to know if I’ve failed with Dublin. My kids, on the other hand, are walking/talking billboards who advertise my every success and failure as a parent. I said it was logical, not easy.
See, my mom wishes she had a Jaguar but is well aware that’s not going to happen. Some parents, however, wish their kids acted differently but never set any other expectation. My husband and I have expected our kids to sit still to eat since before they could walk. In the early years, they were strapped in, in and out of the home— we never left the house without portable high chairs. More importantly, we decided when they were done, and nobody got up before that. As a result, my 7 year olds can easily sit through dinner at a nice restaurant, for up to 1 1/2 to 2 hours. Practice makes, if not perfect, pretty damn good.
The last reason I won’t give a full answer is I know my situation differs from a lot of others’. For starters, my kids like to eat. They have hyper-speed metabolisms and are generally content while eating. Things only get dicey if we have to wait too long for the food. Second, the upside of not having any help with child-rearing is you have the freedom to be consistent. Mary’s grandparents watch her much of the week, so her parents don’t have that luxury. Lastly, my parenting style borders on the tyrannical and few have the desire to follow in my footsteps. So now you have the long answer I wouldn’t give Mary’s parents. Do with it what you want. Just remember, you can’t win the lottery if you don’t buy a ticket.
Cheryl Baltes
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